Why Protest is Useless in AMERICA INCORPORATED

   It's disheartening to see so many good people protest Trump. If they had put this much effort into the election perhaps we would not have this problem?  Protest is useless. It might make you feel better at first, but, when you realize nothing has changed you get politically depressed.  Because we no longer control the country.

This is AMERICA INCORPORATED.

It's time to realize that our vote does not count.

Our Representatives do not represent US.

The promises this country has made us is Propaganda. 

We have only one resource left to us to make non violent change. 

We need to: Stop Feeding the Beast

Pull your money from the Stock Market and Bank Accounts. Place it overseas if you want it to continue earning. And then we need to stop paying our unsecured debt. Stop paying your Credit Cards and Insurance. If 1 out of 10 people did this we could change the World. 

 VOTE WITH DOLLARS 

Yes, there would be a short term fluctuation in the DOW. The Politicians and the News Talking Heads would proclaim the end of the world. (Remember, your favorite talking head is the mouthpiece of a giant corporation. He or she does not control what they say, they are hired because the corporation believes they are Believable, Likeable, your Friend.)  

I need your feedback on this. 

What would you change first?

The second important part of this is, we need a unified demand. We need to agree on what we want.

I suggest we start with Campaign Finance Reform. Do you understand that most of the money Campaigns spend is on Television ads?  We the People of the United States own the Airwaves. We can demand that all candidates get an equal amount of time to make their case. WITHOUT CHARGE. We can make money irrelevant. We need the best ideas! not the best funded candidate.
We could also outlaw NEGATIVE ADS.  No way you say, not possible. We have Freedom of Speech Right?  We did until they outlawed Cigarette Ads. There is now a whole list of things that can't be sold on Television. 

Now back to the main point about protest. Our Politicians count on protest. We place all our energy into whatever we are the most upset about, and soon, we run out of gas. Remember OCCUPY WALL STREET?  CNN and FOX focused all your attention on the freaks and fringe to discredit the movement, and you believed it. CNN and FOX are the talking heads of Wall Street.  

This is a sad fact about Americans. 

YOU BELIEVE BIG NEWS

After the Marches and Rallies we go back to our TV Shows and lame Facebook Social Media Sites. We tell ourselves we did all we could, and year after year we see our Bill of Rights continue to erode to the point of it being meaningless. Walk through a Military Graveyard and ask yourself. What did they sacrifice themselves for?

The only real Freedom I see in America that I don't see in many other countries is, we allow individuals to hoard gigantic sums of money. Please make the case for me of why anyone needs a Billion Dollars?  Money is finite.  That means that there is only so mush money and when a few hoard it that means many other people have less.  Could a Corporate CEO's make gigantic salaries and bonuses without their workers? No they couldn't. But they work very hard to limit what their employees earn and get praise for it.

Let's Stop feeding the Beast, $$$ and Lives 

Rod Cambridge 1/27/17

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Political Prisioners

Many people don't like guns.

Many want them banned from American Society.

When I ask people why they feel this way, two things always become clear. They have never shot a gun and they don't know anything about firearms. Their fear comes from the news and the societal pressure from their peers. These things are understandable but what I don't understand is that with every effort to give them real information they shut down. They don't want to hear anything that might interfere with their opinion. Why are so many people afraid to investigate the reasons for their opinions?

If you are not afraid, please read this little story.  It has to do with the present propaganda about Assault Weapons, but it goes much deeper than that. It goes to how people are manipulated by the news and our politicians. This story is not just for people who who are pro gun.

If you hate guns you need to know that the present laws work against your wishes.

I'm going to tell you a little story about our law makers and how they operate. Instead of Assault Weapons I'm going to use Motor Vehicles, but you will soon get the point.

News Headline

A Speeding Truck Hits a School Bus and 25 Children are Killed and many more are injured.
For the next 5 days with nothing else to report CNN shows in graphic details what happened to the bus.  Interviews of sobbing parents and then relatives, and when they run out of family members they interview the dead children's school mates, many who didn't even know the victims.  Outrage at the Truck Driver escalates as TV viewers are now invested in the tragedy.

Something Must Be Done!  

Next, many politicians use the tragedy to garner attention. They draft hasty legislation and are embraced by rabid TV viewers as hero's. SPEEDING is killing OUR children!  It must be stopped!!
So the politicians float the following idea. To cut down on speeding we shall clamp down hard on cars that go fast! FAST CARS ARE BAD!!  Fast cars are killing our children. We will heavily regulate fast cars. We will add taxes and require more training to anyone that wants to drive a fast car.

We Will Stop the Carnage by Banning.... the SPORTS CAR!

Never mind that it was a Truck that hit the School Bus.

We will double the registration fees and require special background checks to make sure the driver has no speeding convictions. The cars will be required to have a manual transmission so it can't be used on full auto and a special locking ignition so that children can not easily grab the keys and go for a drive. New Sports Cars must have smaller gas tanks, this way they will have to stop more often and drive slower.   The list of regulated equipment rises every year and if your Sports Car is found to be in noncompliance it's a Felony.

If your SPORTS CAR is parked in the garage without it's newly required locking gas cap it's an instant Felony! 

And after years of taxes and regulation and 1000's of Felony arrests Speeding is more rampant than ever.

Sounds ridiculous right?  And all the people that were arrested and their lives and career ruined because they didn't have the proper gas cap lock can't even vote to change the law because once you have a Felony conviction you can't vote!

Right now there are hundreds of rules like "You must have the proper button to detach the magazine" or it's a Felony.  1000 of people in California have Felony convictions because their equipment did not conform to the latest rules.  These people did no harm and their lives in many ways are ruined because politicians want to look like they are doing something.  These people are victims of nonsensical rules made up by legislators that most of us don't trust.  These Convicts are Political Prisoners.

If you still hate guns you need to know this. The so called Assault Weapon is popular because it's what most people in the military trained with. Not because it's a bad ass looking killing machine!
An Assault Weapon is the Sports Car of Weapons. It's a little smaller and lighter than a hunting rifle. But what you gun haters need to know is, Assault Weapons use one of the smallest cartridges, you might call them bullets. There are over 50 larger caliber cartridges available that do much more damage but you have been sold on the idea that Assault Weapons are extremely dangerous. They use the NATO designated 5.56 round. That means it uses a small bullet and it was picked by NATO because it was not meant to kill. Wounding your enemy is much more effective in WAR. It slows your enemy down by the care your enemy needs to give their wounded soldiers. You have been taught to hate and ban a class of weapon that does much less damage than most. You would not hunt deer with an Assault Weapon. The bullet is too small. This size rifle is used to kill varmints like prairie dogs and squirrels.

Our present Laws are nothing more than Political Theater.

The last thought I want to leave you with is this:  There are gun tragedies, no doubt.

But I want you to consider this,

Everyday, 1000's of crimes do not happen because.......criminals are afraid of lawful citizens with guns. 1000's of rapes, burglaries, and muggings never happen because criminals are afraid.  When you hear about the next mentally ill person killing people with a gun remember all the crimes that didn't happen. And, that if that person didn't have a gun, he would just run down a line of people with a car or a truck at a movie theater.  YOU DO NOT NEED A GUN TO KILL.

In every state where it's easy to carry a concealed handgun, all types of crime go down.

Thanks

The picture below is of a 30.06 and an Assault Weapon 5.56 cartridge. The big one is for deer.

Same Sex Marriage Arguments

I never was a fan of same sex marriage. California twice voted it down and a judge from California's 9th Circuit overturned our vote. A Gay Judge. I'm sure he was impartial. This is also why I tell everyone our vote means almost nothing.

I've been reading arguments from SSM advocates about why Polygamy should not be legal. Or why a person can't be married to two different people without each spouse also adjoined. Bigamy. Why has this not thrown the door open to all types of consenting unions.  Well, it has.  And various lawsuits are weaving themselves through the courts and I'm sure there is a lot of foot dragging because; It's not beyond the realm of possibility that SSM could be overturned because of arguments for more liberal interpretations of marriage.

I can see no working argument that endorses SSM and not Polygamy.

I also agree with the the dissenting votes from the SC.  The majority opinion was made out of nothing. Our Constitution does not mention marriage, which means it's up to the States on how to address it. The SC had no jurisdiction to make a federal decision. But it's no big surprise to see Lawmakers not follow the law.

Bullets vs HIV

Bullets vs  HIV

All statistics are from the CDC.
(That's the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, GA.)

CDC Data

HIV Transmission is 4 times higher than Gun Homicides   44,000 vs 11,000 approx.

HIV is still a deadly disease, and there is more that one strain of HIV. One of these strains is not controlled by normal treatment. And like all viruses, HIV is mutating.  But we don't hear about this on the news. If you contract HIV you will probably die from an HIV illness. Your health will be affected by it the rest of your life and your medical expenses will be far greater than a healthy person. 1.2 Million people in the US are infected with HIV.  These are the known cases. It's estimated that 1 out of 8 people with HIV don't know they have it.

So what am I getting at here?  Gay men now seem to be a protected class, where as, Gun Advocates are not.  But the bottom line is;  HIV kills far more people yearly than bullets. There are as many Serial Infectors as Serial Shooters but you never see them on CNN.  Just one of these Serial Infectors has infected 100's of people on purpose but I see no outrage or demand for better control. Why is this?  It's a pretty simple question.  Perhaps if you were shown, night after night, the victims wasting away in hospital beds you would want something done. After all, these victims are the Gay people you demand equal treatment for. So why is HIV just an unfortunate circumstance but an Assault Weapon is a loathsome pariah?

I think you are manipulated by the News.

Here are a couple of things to ponder.

If we had kept all our gay friends in the closet, most of them would still be alive.

When asked, "Who Needs an Assault Weapon!"     Answer,  "Someone being Assaulted."

I could be wrong,

Why Anderson Cooper?

Did CNN hire Anderson because of his hard hitting journalistic style?   Because he's won prestigious awards for reporting?  Because of his tenacious attitude to get at the truth?

CNN is a Billion Dollar Company. They pay Anderson 11 Million Dollars a year because you will like him. You will believe him.  And you will believe CNN's version of the News. Anderson does not decide what is aired. That would be Mark Whitaker.  The owners tell him what they want and how they want it.  What would the news look like from prison?  From a real soilder in battle?  From a poor man in a dying town?  From your point of view?

CNN is not NEWS. It's propaganda. And you will notice that most of the stories aim the spotlight back at us. Not at government or corporate corruption. Their slant is that the immigration problem is the immigrants, not the Corporations that profit by hiring them.  We are the problem that needs to be solved. Don't waste time on Wall Street Corruption, focus on Gay Marriage and Black Lives Matter.

And what are you talking about? what concerns you?  It's what they lay before you everyday.  They want you afraid of your neighbors, of terrorists, of guns.  You are manipulated.  Why do you think corporations spend billions every year on TV commercials?  Because they work.

Think for yourself.  If CNN is directing your attention toward something, it's because they don't want you looking somewhere else.

Research The Panama Papers, and ask yourself if this is not the biggest story of the decade. And remember, the Panama Papers are about CNN and all their corporate customers.

Are you starting to see what I'm talking about?

Anderson Cooper is paid to sell you a product. The product is the Corporate view, not News.

Police work is not that dangerous.

Check out the statistics at the CDC.
If you want to talk about dangerous jobs, check out the stats for Mail Carriers.  4 times more dangerous than Police. Like I said, the CDC compiles data on Deaths by Occupation.

Police rank right up there with Hairdressers.
You, as a private citizen, are more likely to be shot, stabbed, strangled, or suffer blunt force trauma than a cop.   Most police deaths are driving related, meaning they cowboy themselves into a tree or drive off the road. An off duty motorcycle cop driving illegally on a closed freeway killed himself by slamming into construction equipment and was honored with a parade for dying in the line of duty?

Don't believe all the bullshit you hear.  Check the facts, then construct an opinion.

What to answer when someone asks, "Who Needs an Assault Rifle?"

"How about someone being assaulted?"

I Can Not Be Manipulated!

That's Right!

I can not be manipulated

I have not been manipulated.

I am a free thinker!

I am not manipulated by the opinions of my peers.

I am not embarrassed to share my opinions.

BUT MOST OF ALL, I AM NOT MANIPULATED.

OK OK I believe you.

So please write down 3 opinions you are passionate about that are not politically correct.

OMG don't go there!

And I was thinking about Anti Abortion and Anti Gun advocates. They are very much the same. They both claim they want to save lives. So if you really want to save lives shouldn't Anti Gun Advocates join the Anti Abortion Movement?  Oh, but wait. Some of my friends detest the Anti Abortion movement because even though the goals are the same, they don't want their rights, their choices limited.  Funny how that works out.

Governor Brown signs New Gun Legislation

Do you feel safe now?  No?

But this is what you wanted.
More gun laws. So you could feel safe.

So do you?  How about a percentage.

18% more safe?

12% more?

2%?

If you don't feel more safe, RIGHT NOW, why do you keep demanding more laws?

It's probably because you don't know what else to do. What other avenues do you have?

And each time you caterwauler for more laws that don't make you feel safe you take away my Rights. You hurt me and my confidence in our government. My confidence in all our rights under the Bill of Rights. Every time you weaken one of my rights, you weaken them all.

Rod Says;

If you want to feel safer and lessen gun violence, Demand we get our troops out of the Middle East.

OK, smartypants. What's your solution?  It's easy to complain.  It's much harder to offer a plan that can work.

And here's the Hammer. No where in the Bill of Rights is a right to Safety. The Bill of Rights is there to help you protect yourself. The Bill of Rights is what keeps you safe.  Honor it like 1.1 million solders who were told it was worth dying for. And don't 1.1 million deaths outweigh 50 on a dance floor?

More Laws = More Crime

It's pretty simple, if you want a lower crime rate, make less things illegal. I don't recall asking the government to be my nanny. MOST LAWS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY REAL INJURY. THE MAJORITY OF OUR LAWS ARE AIMED AT WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN, NOT AT WHAT DID HAPPEN. You might hurt someone with that Illegal Assault Weapon,  go to jail! You might hurt someone if you drive 35 in a 25. Pay a Fine!  There is no end to what might happen. Drones were targeted before any harm was done because of course it Might Happen! We pay for the incarceration of thousands of people because of what they might have done!  Does this make any sense to you? And no one asks to see the data. BY WHAT MATRIX DOES THE GOVERNMENT USE TO CONCLUDE SOMETHING IS DANGEROUS?  AND FINALLY, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LIVE IN A FREE COUNTRY?  AND FOR THOSE WHO TOUT CONCERNS OF SAFETY, WITH ALL THE THOUSANDS OF RESTRICTIONS WE LIVE WITH EVERY DAY DO YOU FEEL SAFE?  Hundreds of thousands of laws exist that restrict us for what a few would do. We are prisoners of the few. We gave it away and you tell me still you don't feel safe. That we need more Laws. The truth is you will never feel safe. Their is no Safe no matter the Laws.

*

Knowledge is;
understanding that the Police are not your friend,
that what they do is not to protect you, but to keep you in line. 


Wisdom is;
years of contemplation, 
concluding I was wrong,
Blame not the Police. 
Forgive them their behavior. 
They are but children, keen for acceptance. 
And the Judges accept them, embrace and protect them. 
Wisdom is understanding,
that it's the Judges that must burn. 

What Police Fear

It's easy to scare the police. One word can get you killed. They don't explain why, they expect that you will comply and if you don't they claim they are threatened. You, surrounded by armed men are threatening. They feel endangered and their lives might end. Because you look at them and see through to their fear when you say, "No."

WHO NEEDS A BILLION DOLLARS?

I ask a lot of questions on Facebook and get very little back in response. So I think this is not the venue for real discussion. Or my questions are not relevant. I'm good with that, just say "Who Cares?" or "So What!" But most people do post their opinions like, "THIS SUCKS!" but they don't explain why it sucks or pass on any relevant information. Sometimes I think people forgot why we debate. I like to hear other peoples well thought out ideas because it sharpens my own opinions. But it seems like many people only want to echo the current TV approved groupthink, and be rewarded for their unoriginal ideas! Am I being too harsh? How often do you see a post that goes against the approved media flow? I think the sad thing is many people don't want to think and come to their own considered opinion. So when they hear their friends criticize something they just go along with it. This is why many people can't defend their thinking. So I'm going to toss out another question and maybe you could give it some thought. WHO NEEDS A BILLION DOLLARS? And do you understand the ramifications of Billionaires? Money is like air and water, it's finite. (That means there is only so much of it) When one person has this much of it, it means other people have less. It means the people with less may turn to crime to get more. It means some people may go hungry or not get medical care. It means some people will become desperate. And the problems this causes is not helped by the super rich because they don't pay their share of taxes. The problems fall on you and me to pay for. And because the Supreme Court has ruled that money is speech, this means the super rich can use their wealth to gain more wealth and influence to help themselves. This is what Bernie Sanders has been campaigning about. You may not know this because Network News is the mouth piece of the Billionaires. So simple Question; Give me a reasonable explanation why anyone should need 1 Billion Dollars? A question to my question is not helpful. Like, so is 100 Million to much? I want a well reasoned answer, Or a "Who Cares?"

Alone

X leaned back and stretched his arms over his head. This caused some shouting in the distance. The sound carried well over the water and mingled with the call of the birds and the dull bell sounds of the rigging against the mast. He opened a cold beer and wondered if it would be his last. The beer slid down his throat with a cold burn. His crime was he just wanted to be left alone. This desire had taken him from his house in town to a cabin in the woods and now on a small sailboat in the middle of Bass Lake. The Law said he had to pay. Pay for things that the Law doesn't own. Said he has to pay to register his boat, said he has to pay to fish. Said he has to pay to anchor. The Law said they didn't have to explain why. X liked to think about standing in the center of a Law Library with a big sign that says "Show Me Where It Says I'm Free" He knows Freedom is the big Lie. He can prove it by all the boats that surround him and all the guns pointed at him. Now they want to take his boat and jail him. The boat does not belong to them and neither does he. His religion is being left alone but they slowly creep closer to him with their deadly force. He pulls out his revolver and points it at his heart. Perhaps the grave will give him peace, let him distance himself from the angry noise. A shot if fired but it's not from his gun. The bullet flies true and slams into his head just above the ear. The damage is catastrophic as it explodes in his brain. All his memories shatter like glass as his body falls. In the end, even his life was not his own. Because to take your own life is against the Law.

Hey Old Man

I was walking around the ¼ mile track at the park when two little boys ran

in front of me. I smiled at them and kept walking. I heard them talking  and

one said to the other, “Let’s follow that Old Man.”  Their little six year old legs

trotting along the track behind me. “Old Man!” the bigger of the two said.  I turned

and looked at him as I was walking. “Hey Old Man!” he raised his little fist and

growled at me. “GRRRRRR,” said the second little boy, also giving me the fist salute.

I looked around for these feral little boys keeper and didn’t see anyone with an

empty leash or tranquilizer gun. The boys continued to run circles around me until

a shout was heard from the side of the hill. “YOU GUYS ARE IN SO MUCH 

TROUBLE!” a Mom voice bellows. The bigger of the two whispers “Were in 

so much trouble.” They trot away to their keeper for a conference as I continue 

to walk, thinking about being called an Old Man. From the distance I hear the 

little boys again trotting in my direction. “We’re Sorry!” trot trot trot “We’re Sorry.” 

Very good I think, nice to be respected. The little boys, not getting my full attention yell,

“Hey Old Man, we’re sorry!”

That made my day.

Into the Light

In the oceans dark the Mantas glide up the rays from our lights.

Beams filled with tiny plankton, shrimp and crab hatchlings. The 

seawater is filled with white sparks of life and the Mantas glide 

through, sifting the water like giant devils. I feel a shiver as my

imagination recoils from itself. What if when we die, our sparks 

float in space. They will have no mass to hold the Earth. The Earth

will travel as it does and we will watch it go. We will see all the 

tiny loosened sparks from farm harvests and blooded stock yards,

from Emergency Rooms and Third World famine. They unspool

from the Earth in long sparkling ribbons, beautiful really. And far 

into the darkness we see the white ribs and wide open door of

the Mantas, as we go into the light.

Crows

It was the excited sounds that drew me to the window.
I've heard crows talk my whole life. Watched them on
street signs just overhead, ranting like drunken Republicans.
But this sound was something new. Neither
rant nor warning, this sounded like excited children on the
playground surrounding a blood sport. Through the window and
up the street the crows were in a small thin tree flapping their
wings and waving the weak branches. Below them on the ground
was a small black cat and a red dog playing. The dog jumped up
and down and the cat crouched low confused by the crows and
the barking dog. But the dog wasn't barking and the cat wasn't
playing. The dog leaped forward and nipped at the cat's hindquarters.
The crows increased their excited noisy motion. It was like they
were saying, "Look at us! Look at US!" The cat tried to turn but
stumbled and flipped on it's back, claws out and hissing. The dog
leaped forward and caught the cat by the throat. It's not a dog!
It's going to kill!   It lifts the cat and shakes it violently as the cat
tries to get some purchase with it's claws. The crows are screaming,
"Kill Cat! Kill Cat! We want our share!"  I run barefoot down the stairs and
out the front door. The fox is carrying the cat across the street by
the back of it's neck. It hangs like a kitten in its mother's mouth. The
crows flap and follow to the feasting grounds. I run down the street
and see the fox enter the grove, tail up like a flag, carrying its prize.
The crows close behind still screaming their share. I know the cat
is lost as my barefeet will not follow. I cross the street to the tree and
find a collar with a small bell. A bell to alert birds that there is danger.
Save for the crows.

First Visit to the VA

Yesterday I left the house at 7:30 and got to the Martinez Blood Draw Clinic at 7:45, not bad. I pulled a ticket, #5 and sat down. The room was already full of old guys. I was thinking they must come down here and hang out because it's a social kind of thing. The window opens at 8am and the number 95 is displayed. OK, I got here 15 minutes before they opened and I'm 10th in line. I was hoping for better! At about 8:10 the first number gets called, "NUMMER NINY FI !" I'm guessing Filipino? #95 jumps up like he's won at BINGO and rushes the window. There is a big sign at the window that says "Have Your VA Card Ready." The sign is so big you can't see the receptionist. As the guy runs up to the window you see a little hand appear above the sign, it looks like a little claw, perfectly shaped to accept his card. He places the card in the claw and awaits his instructions in perfectly unrecognizable Filipino.

I'm bored, I left my phone at home and my iPod can't find a single Wi-Fi signal. I pop in my ear buds and spin some Afro-Cuban music. I look around the room and decide the best way to handle the situation is to make believe I'm not in America. The tunes decide for me so I make believe I'm at a clinic in Cuba. And the funny thing is, it feels right. Yea, I'm on vacation in Cuba and I will temper my expectations accordingly.

"NUMMER NINY SX!," everyone in the room glances at the number sign. It still displays 95, after about a minute you can feel a bit of apprehension around the room. The number sign still displays 95. It's as though there has been some cosmic misunderstanding. Synchronicity has been lost. After two minutes people are making eye contact around the room. There is a simian quality to this communication. Like a monkey that can no longer reach its banana. I'm unfazed because I'm in Cuba. "NUMMER NINY SEBN!" All eyes turn to the display and 96 appears and a moment later, 97. Order has been restored.

I watch the various people that walk by. Many say Hello and are very friendly. A guy with a dirty bag tries to hand me a newspaper and I immediately think it's a homeless guy trying to get a donation for some sorry street rag. But as he turns away I see he's handing out free copies of the San Francisco Chronicle and I kick myself for being so defensive. Numbers get called and people move around the room. People stand and people sit. Others walk by and I watch the room change like a living mosaic. An old guy walks out of the Blood Draw room full of noisy indignation. "I told them what my blood type was, but they don't listen!" Most people turn away but I don't have a paper to read so I watch the show. "I'm suppose to let them operate on me and they don't even know my fuckin blood type!" He shambles across the room looking left and right and makes eye contact with me. Like a magnet he latches on to my interest and stumbles up to my chair. "I showed them my fuckin dog tags and it says right on them my fuckin blood type but do they believe my fuckin dog tags? Fuck no! Am I suppose to let these fuckers cut me open when they don't know my fuckin blood type!"

I should be intimidated but I'm sure the Cuban Military will show up at any moment.

NUMMER FI! I stand up and jokingly whisper to Mr. Blood Type, "My Turn." I give him my best shrug like we share an understanding that I will be the next to share in the institutional abuse. I walk to the window and see the claw. I lean over the sign and smile. "I'm sorry, I don't have my card yet." The claw says, "Lass Nam?" "Pugh,"I say. "Lass Fo?" "3713", I say. Claw explains to me that she does not have an order from my Doctor to draw blood. She attempts to call the Doctor and there is no answer. She makes a few more calls and tells me they are in a meeting. She also calls more numbers and I get the sinking feeling that I'm going to be here all morning. She tells me to sit down and she will call me up as soon as she contacts my Doctor. I sit down and remember the admonition I received when I got my appointment time with this Doctor. "Don't Be Late" I was told over and over again. This Doctor is very strict about you being late. I'm thinking I'm also very strict about having to wait because his office didn't order any tests. Strike One on this Doctor.

I can't see the receptionist behind the sign but I can see the phone mounted on the wall next to her. 10 minutes goes by and she makes no more calls about my tests. More numbers get called and we are up to 15. I was tenth in line when I arrived and now 10 more patients have been seen while I wait on the Doctors office. Claw reaches for the phone and makes a call. I hear my name called and am told that the tests are being ordered and I will be called up in about 5 minutes. 15 minutes goes by and Claw calls me over. She tells me she got the order and I will be moved to the front of the line. 2 minutes later she walks out of the office on break and when the next patient is called it's not me. 2 more patients get called and I've lost hope that she has informed anyone about me. I hate Cuba, I vow to never return. I make believe I'm in Somalia with ebola. I'm going to die because there are no beds left.

Claw comes back a few minutes later with a big cup of coffee. She looks right at me but does not make the connection that I was never called. A few minutes later I hear her call Pugh!. "Where were you?" she asks. Where was I? Then I get it. A good offense is better that a weak defense. She's been at this a long time. When in doubt, blame the patient. I apologize and tell her I've been stuck in Somalia.

Surfing the Nut House

It was my sisters idea to drive to the nut house. She said I would like it. It would remind me of my childhood. I had recently suffered an emotional trauma and ran from any potential conflict. I steadied myself and agreed to go. We got in my sisters comfortable car and drove West. The Earth turns toward us and I make believe that the car is stationary and the Earth is rushing under our wheels. I rest my head against the passenger window and again mentally run through my failures. I did, I didn't, I couldn't. They did, they didn't, they wouldn't. I watched the fence posts rush past me at a regular interval. I poured the bitterness out of my head and concentrated on my breathing. My heartbeat slowed to the rhythm of the passing fence posts. They looked like the blips on an EKG.


The car slowed to a stop at an intersection. Beside us was a roadside memorial decorated with flowers and crosses. A little boy in a baseball uniform turned to me as the car was pulling away. He raised a popsicle in the air and with a grin stuck out his popsicle red tongue. I closed my eyes. I could taste that sweet red juice as it ran down my chin. I remembered how Mom use to make those for us. I wondered why the little boy was at the memorial. Why did it seem important. I make believe I can feel the Earth flying through space. It's the feeling of reaching the highest point on a playground swing and just as you start falling backward you are weightless. I feel it in my stomach and down my spine. I hold, I hold it as long as I can.


I hear the crunch of gravel as we pull into the nut house. The lot is full with many visitors. I exit the car slowly and appraise the building. It's old and rough cut, barn red and ramshackle. The handpainted sign over the entrance says Somis Nut House. There is something about it that makes me smile. There is a warm energy that surrounds this space. We walk inside and it's quiet like a church. There are roughcut beams overhead and bolted together racks filled with nuts and candies, many that I remember from childhood. Abba-Zaba's and Bazooka Bubble Gum, Chick O Sticks! I drift through the racks and my childhood memories, one overlapping the other. I remember the little girl I liked in school and my friends at the public pool. I remember my dog as I see a curved red tail wagging behind a counter. I feel small hands hugging my leg, gentle as a ghost but it's only my imaginings. My sister calls me over to show me a found treasure, something we both laugh about. A little girl walks past with her face tilted to mine. She is maybe 5 and has the most astonished reaction when I say Hello. She squeals with delight and clasps her hands to her face, then runs between the racks. I turn to my sister to see her reaction but her view was elsewhere. She asks if I like this place but I know she is really asking if I feel its calm and its warmth. I nod yes. I add this feeling to that of the swing. The warmth and the letting go. I empty myself of lifes constricting vibrations and hold the feeling. I wrap my arms around it and press it to my chest and feel it enter me and fill me. I'm warm and falling into calm.


I open my eyes and see the little girl. She holds a soft glow. A dog trots up to her and and sits to her left always keeping his eyes on mine. His eyes hold a question and a reward for its answer. The little girl lifts his floppy ear and whispers, "Yes, he can see us." I immediately know this dog, he was my dog and until this moment I didn't know how much I'd missed him. Tears spring from my eyes as I bend to pet him. The little girl puts her hand on my arm for comfort and says, "Only joy." At her touch I know she is my Grandmother, my loving Grandmother as I have never know her. She says, "Look, we are here." I see all those I had lost, all as children, laughing and teasing. The earth tilts under my feet and I feel a rushing in my head. She points to a mirror and I see myself as a little boy in a baseball uniform, the same little boy I saw from the car. But I'm still alive I think, and the little girl says, "Yes, you are alive, we are all alive in the All." I see a little boy and girl and know them to be my parents. They stand apart until the little girl approaches the boy. She punches him in shoulder and all their divisions evaporate with giggles. They hold each others hands and run off laughing. The little girl that is my Grandmother reaches out and gently holds my face.


We fly out into space and I see the all of the Milky Way. It's gigantic arms slowly spin as it travels through space. I feel my arms open wide. We feel the orbit of our Earth and feel its rotation. She shows me the little boy that I was in my baseball uniform spinning in the outfield with no worry for the ball. I was, and am, and will be that boy, I promise.



June 17th 2014